I really want to work in my book of positive aspects that Abraham recommends. I know it is the secret to all that I am wanting in my life. I know that if I can really get a handle on appreciation, then I will find the secret of a happy life. BUT I just keep putting it off! Why? What is my problem?
Well, maybe I am just not ready to appreciate. I’m just not able to fully appreciate yet and that makes it a really hard … or hollow thing for me to sit down and try to do. I’m getting there though - I have glimpses of what appreciation feels like and I like it.
I also kind of think that once I take that leap - once I say, OK, I am now an appreciator, that means I can no longer blame others. That means I fully acknowledge just how in charge of my life I really am. That means I fully admit that I am the one that brought 35 years of pain and suffering on to me. That means I am the one who beat myself, abused myself, made myself fat, screamed and swore at myself. And I did. And when I hate those I think did these things to me I really hate myself. And I do.
And I can’t hate myself anymore. Not for one more second. That is over. No one is doing anything to me. Everything is doing everything for me. I am the center of my universe and I am fully responsible for every single nice and nasty thing in it. Me. just me.
Maybe I am not ready to appreciate myself yet and that’s why I keep putting it off … and the second I am ready … BOOM … my world will be heaven.
whoof … maybe THAT’S what I am not ready for yet.
p.s. - I thought of something this morning - when I start appreciating I have to give up all license to complain and pout and that’s not easily done for someone who used to make a way of life out of complaining about a certain thing. It takes a lot of awareness and willingness to stop the usual way of doing things - even when that usual way is so destructive.
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