Today was Day One of my Holosync Journey. This thing is powerful - so powerful I know that this is the first day of the rest of my life. I want to record the entire journey here. For me. For you. For the Universe. For God. For the Record.
So, here’s where I am - this is the last and only time I will tell this full story, because from now on I am telling a different story. Abraham says if you get stuck telling the old story you will get stuck living it, and I don’t want to do that. The old story wasn’t too much fun.
I am currently about 14 days from turning 36 years old.
My Childhood
My childhood was fairly traumatic. I won’t share the details here as they won’t do anyone any good, but if I were to create a scale, where 1 was a happy childhood and 10 was growing up in a war zone with fear and despair and physical beatings every day … a lot of my childhood was a 7 or 8.
I think. lol. I don’t remember very much of it. If we say that 18 years in time went by, the memories that I have probably couldn’t take up the actual chronological space of more than 6 or 7 months. Most of the memories I do have are very difficult, scary, physically painful memories. As I age in my mind, I can remember a few ‘good’ ones - like playing gin rummy with my mom, my grandma taking me to the lake, and good experiences with friends in the high school years. I think I have blocked out most of my childhood except the absolute most painful and the absolute most wonderful memories.
Where am I now
My family and I currently are middle class, my husband works and I have a home business. We are about exactly where both our sets of parents were. We have one child who is the absolute light of my life and the reason I started my healing and transformative journey.
I think that 1) My appreciation of him allowed me to enter in some of the higher vibrations and find a way to pull myself our of the misery that I had created and 2) I would rather die before I inflicted upon him the kind of childhood that I had - but I have occassionally heard the words that were said to me come out of my mouth and I even spanked him a handful of times - ack - talk about the worst thing in the world - raising a hand to physically hurt this most wonderful, beautiful thing in the whole world.
So, I discovered Abraham-Hicks in November of 2007 - a little less than a year ago - thanks to enjoyparenting.com and my friend Amy at transformationalparenting.com. Abraham was like an answer to prayers. I love Abraham. And although my healing since finding them has been phenomenal I can’t help feeling like their processes are not enough. I can’t help feeling that I there is resistance that is impeding me, and until I can blow through the resistance I will never find the complete peace - I will never realize all my desires.
For example, I would like to lose about 60 pounds, but I am quite aware that I sabotage that desire *every* day. I am also quite aware that I have a fear of being thin, because if I am thin I may be desireable to men, and being desireable to men makes me profoundly unsafe. I wanted to write here that intellectually I know that is not true, but I can’t. I can’t convince myself that it would be safe to be thin. lol. I guess this fear is not so ‘unconscious’. It’s right up there in the front of my mind since I uncovered it — now how do I get rid of it? I have been unable to do it through Abraham’s processes.
It’s like my neural pathways that this fear runs on is so deeply ingrained I can’t get rid of it. No matter what. Enter holosync. I think.
Holosync has different effects for different people, and all the reviews I have read so far seem to be from people who have not had a lot of trauma in their lives - or at least not the level that I have had - or maybe this is just a belief of mine that made it so intense for me this first time. I don’t know, but my first experience with holosync was not pretty. And I am overjoyed 
this is what is going to do it for me. This is what is going to make everything else I am doing actually *work*. This is going to work in a way nothing else every could for me. I am so happy I found it (through an email from this site - thanks Evy.
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